I'm eating all of the evidence.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
MIDGETS
????
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
