I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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