awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
