Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
