hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
