Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
