and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
