I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
