i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
