this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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