when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
