Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
