But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
