so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
