I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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