btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
