Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
