he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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