bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
