it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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