it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
