You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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