tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We're too hungover to prance.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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