We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
