i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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