you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
