Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
