And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
