what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize