We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
