the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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