Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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