hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
