She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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