walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
