Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
