a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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