I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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