I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
