Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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