Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
