i permit you to call me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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