my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
