Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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