i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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