Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
