Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
