When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
