I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
