I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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