let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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