So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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