I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
