last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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