can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
