I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
