its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
