Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
