Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
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