what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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