so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
