Do vagina's smell?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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