Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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