Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
