i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
