im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
