the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
