I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
