Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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