What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
