dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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