It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
