god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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