It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
