My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
