I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
