...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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