also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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