i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize