last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I am morally bankrupt
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
