I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
