can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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