Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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