how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
