soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize