Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He felt like a one man threesome
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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