Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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