hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you win again, gameday.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
