You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
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