I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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