this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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