Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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