can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
