he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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