I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
