Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
