I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
