I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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