If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
