I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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