No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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