Barsexuality is the new black.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
