she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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