I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My vagina is very pro this idea
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
