I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
