I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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