I want to have your abortion
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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